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Tonight I start bowling in a league for the first time in over two years. I’ve bowled once for fun since the last league ended, so I’m anticipating a lot of soreness in my arm and abs tomorrow. But I’m really looking forward to bowling again, especially since this is the league that I met Donald in. We’re bowling at a new center, but with the same crowd of people we bowled with two years ago. My team still consists of Donald, Pitter, and me, but since Jenn moved to Arizona we had to replace her with Vinne. It should be an interesting season!
My goal for this season is to let it go. Stop trying to be perfect all the time, and have fun. We will win games because of me, and we will lose games because of me. I need to remember that.
I also need to remember that my three teammates will likely be so drunk by the end of the night, they won’t even notice.
Have a good weekend, everyone!
I have such a hard time finding things to write about for this blog. No one wants to hear me go on about how hard it is to find a job. And since I’m not working, there’s not a lot of fun things happening in my life that I can write about. So I’m going to start answering prompts in an effort to write more often. Hopefully, it’ll also let you learn a little more about me, and get me back into the habit of writing more than once a month. (Also, if there’s something you want to know about me, ask! I’ll answer it along the way.)
Today’s question: How do you choose your friends?
I don’t think I’ve ever consciously gone out and thought “I’m going to be friends with THAT person.” I think it just comes with exposure and having things in common. One of my closest friends was a prior coworker. We went to lunch together, and discovered that we practically share a brain. I mean, to the extent that now she lives several states away, and I can think about her, and suddenly a text or e-mail appears. It’s a little freaky. I never intended to be this close to her. In fact, the first day I met her, I thought she was kinda ditzy since she couldn’t find the office and was standing practically in front of it. If you’d asked me then if I’d choose her as a friend, I’d have said no. And yet now, after being friends for 7 years, I can’t imagine not knowing her.
A lot of my friends now are people that Donald has been friends with for years. I didn’t choose them, per say, since they’d already known (or been related to) Donald for so long. But I can honestly say that I absolutely would have chosen to be friends with them, even if Donald hadn’t been our link. I’m just so lucky that they’ve all accepted me into their circle.
I tend to gravitate toward people who are smart or funny, or both. I have little patience for stupidity. I like to be able to have an intelligent conversation, and also kick back and have a good time. My friends always have a great sense of humor, and usually a strong sense of sarcasm. I don’t like people who whine or complain a lot (which is hypocritical, since I have a tendency to whine and complain a lot). I like people with strong personalities, who aren’t afraid to say what they’re thinking, and who don’t let people use them as a doormat. And if they like me in return, well that’s certainly a plus.
What about you? How do you choose (or find) your friends?
I often say that I have no regrets in life. If I regretted something it means I would have changed it, and if I’d done so, then I wouldn’t be where I am now, and I love it here. If I could do some things over again differently, I might (like finishing college the first time, instead of going back later), but most of those things aren’t that important. One thing I do regret, however, is dating Scott. If I could erase that period in my life, I would do so in a heartbeat.
I was 20 years old and had just broken up with my first real boyfriend of 2 years. I was still very much in love with him, but for various reasons, couldn’t continue to be with him. I picked up a night job at the coffee shop inside the bowling alley where I spent all my time, for both extra cash, and a distraction. Scott was a mechanic at the bowling alley and at the time, a generally likable person. We started dating a bit, mostly becoming a pair in the group of friends we shared. Then things turned ugly. I found out he was married. How did I find out, you ask? When a friend got a call saying that Scott’s wife was on the rampage and on her way to the Denny’s where a bunch of us were, to kick my ass. Awesome!
I was stupid back then, and didn’t dump him in that instant. Instead, I helped him file his divorce papers, and eventually let him move in with me. At the time, I saw nothing wrong with this plan. In hindsight, all I can say is Oy. We continued dating a few more months, and he got increasingly clingy, and I got increasingly annoyed. On my 21st birthday he forbid me to go out with my friends because he had to work. That was the final straw for me. No one tells me how to live my life or spend my time, least of all him. So I dumped him. Repeatedly. And he kept begging to come back. He refused to get his stuff from my apartment (I eventually had a mutual friend come remove it for him). He kept calling and telling me he loved me and that I was making a mistake.
And then he started stalking me.
The first time I noticed it I was home watching a movie with a friend. I saw a movement over near my window, and looked over. I thought maybe a cat was walking by and I was seeing the shadow. And then I saw Scott’s eyes looking at me in between some crooked vertical blinds. I screamed and he ran off. My friend ran out after him, but he took off in his car quickly. I was shaken. I was beyond shaken, I was terrified. I couldn’t stay in that apartment anymore. We left and hung out with some friends for a few hours before I could force myself to go back home. I brought reinforcements with me because I was entirely too scared to sleep there by myself. Feeling mildly safer with people sleeping on my couches, I tried to force myself to sleep. Sleep just would not come for me that night. Or many nights into the future.
A few nights later I was in that same Denny’s parking lot hanging out with a group of friends (when the bowling alley closed, we just congregated at the only all night place in the neighborhood. Denny’s). Someone pointed out a car in the parking lot across the street that looked like Scott’s. I froze. After careful investigation, we found out that Scott was watching me. I was freaked out. I didn’t know how to deal with this. I jumped in my car and sped home. Moments later, my friends all came over too. They wouldn’t let me be alone, thankfully. We turned on the tv and I tried to calm myself down. It was working until my friend Jeffy jumped up and said “Scott’s out there” and then went running outside. I cried. I crumpled like a dry leaf and just sobbed. I remember someone called the cops, but Scott was long gone before they got there. I don’t remember much else except obsessively checking the vertical blinds to make sure they were straight.
I called the cops the next day with the intention of filing a restraining order. I was informed that I couldn’t get a restraining order unless he threatened me or my property with harm. Which, sadly, he hadn’t. He just made me feel unsafe in my own home. Apparently, that’s not a crime. So there was nothing I could do. I spent a lot of time at a neighbor’s place, when none of my friends could be at my apartment with me. I never spent another night alone in that apartment. I guess he got the hint eventually, because he stopped following me around (though continued to badmouth me to anyone who’d stop to listen). He keyed “Bitch” into the hood of my beat up old car sometime after that. The thing was was such a piece of junk that it actually made me laugh that anyone would think keying it would be some sort of insult. A short while later I started dating Jason, my now ex-husband, and I think his size alone scared Scott into backing off.
I regret all that drama just because of the fear it brought me. For years I’ve had an issue with vertical blinds. Even after I moved out of that apartment, I’ve had a compulsion to make sure they’re all perfectly straight at all times. Even at other people’s houses, I’d casually adjust the blinds so they’d be straight and people couldn’t peek in the windows. It’s ridiculous, especially since I knew he wasn’t following me anymore, and I knew he didn’t know where I lived. There are still some occasions where I see the blinds slightly crooked, and I feel scared. I hate that. I hate that it still gets to me, especially when I’m home alone late at night. It’s been over 10 years. I should get past it by now.
I regret to inform you, I’m still scared of vertical blinds.
 Today is my sister’s birthday.
Happy Birthday, Jen!
Mia adores Donald. When he gets home from work, she runs in circles at his feet as he walks through the house. She won’t let him kiss me hello until he’s acknowledged her presence. Then she’ll wait for him to sit down on the couch before she runs to bring him a toy. The great thing is that he loves her just as much as she loves him. They’re very cute together.
When I was growing up, my mom’s parents took lots of trips with their friends. They always took thousands of pictures of the trip, and we were always subjected to looking at the entire photo album before being released to go do whatever it was we were waiting to do (usually go swimming, or just go upstairs to the “playroom” and not be around adults). It wasn’t until I got older and more appreciative of the vacations that I started asking questions about who they went with and why. Sometimes it was just the two of them, but often their trips included my grandma’s sister and her husband, or another couple that they were close friends with. I remember thinking as a teenager that I hoped to have friends like that someday.
Thankfully, I have them now.
Last year 6 of us went to Pittsburgh for 5 days and had an amazing time. We toured Heinz Field, drove into Canton to see the Football Hall of Fame, and capped off an amazing weekend with a Steelers vs. Vikings game (Steelers won, of course, and now I can say I’ve seen Brett Favre in action). It was the best vacation I’d ever been on, and the main reason was because of the people we went with. Since we got back we’ve been talking about doing another trip, and I’m SO happy to say we’ve got our destination.
Jamaica.
Next year is Jamey & Jeff’s 10th anniversary, and the 4 of us are going to Jamaica to celebrate. It’ll also be Donald’s birthday while we’re there, as well as the 3 year anniversary of us dating, so we’ll have loads to celebrate. I could not be more excited. The reservation was made this morning, and now there’s no turning back!
303 days!
For the last two years I’ve been participating in Step Out: Walk to Fight Diabetes put on by the American Diabetes Association, and for the last two years, you’ve all been amazing when it comes to supporting me. I’m hoping that this year you’ll do the same. This year I’m getting my donation page up a little earlier since this year I have a bigger goal to reach. Not only did I bump up my monetary goal (and my goal to get more donations than Donald), but this year I made a new personal goal of running or jogging throughout the entire course.
Yes, you read that correctly. I’m not walking this year, I’m running/jogging. I’ve been working on the Couch to 5K program for the last few weeks, and by October 16, I’ll be fully able to run an entire 5K. Since the route we use has a lot of hills, and my practice route has exactly none, I decided I’d be safer to give myself some wiggle room when it comes to running the entire thing. I will run as much as I can and jog the rest if I need to. The downside to this plan is that I’ll be doing it on my own. My friends will all be walking the route while I run. I’m hoping that with enough training, I can run through the entire 5K, and then catch up to my friends and walk the rest of it with them. Since it’s July, and the event is in October, I won’t make any promises just yet. But that’s my ultimate goal.
So here’s where you guys come in. I need support. Monetarily and emotionally. If you can come and walk or run with us, that’d be great! I could use a partner or two to come run with me. If you can’t be there in person, I hope you can support us with a small donation. Every dollar counts, and if you can only spare a dollar, it’ll mean just as much to me as if you can spare $100. Last year our team raised the 4th largest amount at the event, and this year we want to do better. This year my unofficial niece, Kyla (a sister of my unofficial nephew, Jaxson) is representing the American Diabetes Association as the 2010 Step Out Youth Ambassador! Kyla is the main reason we all participate every year, and I’m so proud of her for taking on this leadership role!
The link to donate is on that big button up there on the right sidebar, or you can click the link below. I appreciate anything you can donate, whether it be money, time, or just your good wishes. Here’s to hoping that we find a cure!
Donate or Sign Up here:
http://main.diabetes.org/goto/denora
This.
This is Jaxson, the cutest toddler I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is my unofficial nephew, and I love him to pieces.
He belongs to Jason and Kathy, Donald’s sister. He’s also the first baby I’ve ever seen or held on the day of their birth. (Also, he was 11 lbs 4 ozs at birth, so he’s by far the heaviest baby I’ve ever held.) He, as well as his family, spent the week at the river with us, and he was so much fun to watch. Last year he was only 3 months old, so he did a lot of laying around staring at us. This year he was off and running at every opportunity.
He’s almost 16 months old, and he eats constantly. I’ve never seen a kid eat as much as he does. He knows the sign for “more” and can say it more clearly than any other word in his arsenal. When he gets going, he sounds a little like the seagulls in Finding Nemo. If you try to put the food away, he’ll walk over to your cooler and open it for you, and ask for more.
If I could pick what my future kids would be like, I’d want them to be exactly like Jaxson. Blond hair, big bright blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and completely laid back. He doesn’t get upset at all. The only time I’ve seen him cry was when he’s tired, and even that was unimpressive.
Our vacation was fabulous, largely in part to the simple pleasure of watching this little wonder. It’s hard to worry about anything when this is what you see:
*All photographs courtesy of Jason Ginger
Some weeks just suck. Nothing goes the way you plan, life kicks you in the shin, and simple things just get you down. But it’s those weeks that make you appreciate the better ones.
This has been a great one.
Saturday, Donald and I had a barbecue at our house with our friends and family. It was the first time our parents had met each other, and I was nervous. As it turned out, I had nothing to be nervous about. Everyone appeared to have a great time, the burgers and hot dogs were delicious (even the first round of hot dogs that Donald sorta burned because he got distracted), and several livers were further damaged by copious amounts of alcohol. The last guest left at 2am, after many hours of Beans being played in the backyard.
(Let me take this moment to abandon all modesty and point out that I am the reigning queen of Beans. Donald and I beat Pitter and Jen 4 games in a row, and then Jen and I beat Donald and Pitter 2 out of 3 games. For the math challenged, that means my team won 6 of 7 games. I’m posting this here for historical purposes, because it’s not likely to ever happen again, and dammit I want it noted that it happened at least once.)
(Also, my apologies to my neighbors for the noise level until 2am. They were drunk, and I can only muzzle them so much.)
***
Monday was Donald’s birthday, and many of our friends joined us at Claim Jumper for happy hour (which ended up being a happy 4 hours for us, and likely a LONG 4 hours for our server). I don’t think there’s been a time when we’ve all come together that I haven’t end up laughing to tears at one point or another. Monday was no exception. The first time was thanks to JAMEY (who would like to be mentioned in this blog so she can be famous. Here you go, Jamey. Now you’re famous among the 6 people who read it. Congrats!) who made a joke that whizzed right over my head and literally took me a full minute to figure out. Of course, once I got it I laughed. But man, did I feel dumb for a moment. We spent what felt like forever just hanging out, and once again I was reminded of what great friends I have.
Thanks to JAMEY (look Jamey! Twice!), Jeff, Jaden, Joshua, Jen K., Jen S., Katie, Owen, Vinne, Kaleena, Jason, Kathy, Bryana, Kyla, Byron, Johnny, and Sheri for coming by to celebrate. I know Donald had a great time and loved that you could all be there.
***
Last night I went with a group of friends to see the 1am showing of Eclipse. No, I’m not a Twi-hard. I would have been completely content seeing it today, tomorrow, or even on DVD in a few months. But it sounded like fun, so I decided to take advantage of my open schedule and hang out with the ladies. We made plans to meet at the nearby restaurant/pub first, but that turned out to be a bust. Not one of us knew that the Irish pub turned into a 18+ dance club on Tuesday nights. Since we had 4 kids with us (two 13, and two 12), we had to find another plan. We ended up sitting in the theater for over an hour before the movie started. That wasn’t bad since I’d seen a line around the building at a different theater at 2pm! There’s no movie on the planet that I’d wait 10+ hours in line for. There’s pretty much nothing I’d wait in line that long for. The previews started at 1, and I was happy to see the trailer for the last Harry Potter movies. Eclipse finally started 2o minutes later, and I really enjoyed it. I mean, Taylor Lautner’s abs alone were worth going for, as evidenced by the theater-wide female gasp when he appeared on the screen. (I was right there with them, for the record.) I thought the movie was a little slow, but certainly better than New Moon. I think the people I went with (Jamey! Kathy! Tawny!) made the evening worth the staying up late, coming home at 3:45am, and not being able to fall asleep until after 5. Thanks for the fun, ladies!
***
Friday we head for the river for a full week of laying around doing absolutely nothing. It’s my favorite week of the year, and I am chomping at the bit to get going. I plan on reading a lot of books, spending a lot of time in the sun, and hanging out with my peoples. When we get back, I will be rested, tanned, and ready to bust my ass to find a new job. I’m going to stop dwelling on all the “we’ve decided on someone else” phone calls, and start focusing on how to make myself an irresistible candidate. Because I am, dammit.
Why do cities/states/counties/whoever spend so much time decorating the sides of roads, but not fixing them? I see tons of money being poured into extravagant landscaping, fancy brick work, designer tiles, and outlandish signage on the same streets that have huge potholes, or flood when it sprinkles. I appreciate that they’re trying to make the city look better, but its hard to enjoy the scenery when you’re trying not to rupture your spleen while driving down a road that badly needs resurfacing.
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Why are certain housing communities able to declare themselves 55+ senior communities? I’m not talking about Leisure World or assisted living facilities either. I mean home builders who only sell homes in a particular area to the older set. Isn’t that descrimination? You can’t just decide to only sell certain homes to white people, so why can they do that with older people? Is there a law I’m unaware of that makes this ok?
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Why is it ok for cops to break the law in non-emergency situations? I cannot tell you how many times I see a police car driving down the street and making lane changes or turning corners without a turn signal on, or even talking on their cell phone. That’s something they wouldn’t hesitate to give me a ticket for, so why is it ok for them to do? Shouldn’t they be an example to the general public?
***
Why do things that are happening live on the West Coast get taped delayed for those of us living here? For example, an awards show (Grammy’s, Emmy’s, Oscar’s, etc) starts live here at 4pm, and is shown live on the East Coast. But those of us who LIVE HERE have to wait until 3 hours later to watch it. Why can’t it be shown here at 4pm too?
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