Six weeks ago I went to the DMV and applied for a new driver’s license with my new last name on it. The lady who processed my paper work was slightly grumpy, but helpful nonetheless. When she told me I was done and that I’d have my new license in 5 to 10 business days, I was kind of surprised because I hadn’t taken a new picture. I was so surprise, in fact, that I asked her if I needed to take one. She said no, they’d just use my old picture. Since I hate that picture I asked if I could voluntarily take a new picture. She half smiled and said no, they would just use the old one. A bummer for sure, but I could handle that.

After 10 business days had passed and I hadn’t received my license, I gave the DMV a call. The automated message said it could take up to SIX WEEKS for processing, and that you could speak to a technician if it had been longer than that. Six weeks? Ok fine. It is a government agency, after all. Why would I think efficiency would be involved?

Today I called again because it’s been six weeks and still I have no license. A very helpful and friendly lady told me they couldn’t process my new license because they needed a new picture.

I’ll wait while you read that sentence again.

A new picture, you ask? Like the one I specifically REQUESTED before walking out of the building SIX MOTHEREFFING WEEKS AGO?! Yeah. Apparently they couldn’t use my old picture and need a new one. Great. I asked if they were ever going to let me know, or if they were just going to wait until I eventually called them. “We were waiting for you to eventually call us,” she says laughing. I told her I thought that was stupid. “Honey, you don’t have to tell me about the stupid things we do around here. Trust me.” She was nice, and I wasn’t mad at her because I knew it wasn’t her fault. She clearly had a sense of humor and knew that they had some really bad policies going on.

So now I have to schedule another appointment to go to the DMV to take a picture. Then I get to wait three more weeks before my license shows up (three weeks is the EXPEDITED time frame, mind you). In the meanwhile, my bank has already sent me a new credit card since mine expired in January. They’ve changed my name on it, so now I have no ID to match the card. Awesome. I’m really hoping that any retail stores who want to see my ID are either employing people who don’t pay attention (hi Party City!), or employing people who’ve had to change their names before and understand that crap that goes with it.