My sister is by far one of the funniest people I know (often unintentionally). When she sent me this e-mail, I immediately asked her if I could post it here so others could enjoy. Thankfully, she’s not shy. Ladies and gentlemen: The Jen.
Written If you Give a Mouse a Cookie style (kind of)
If you have a dog, it will shed. You will have people coming over the next day, so you will need to clean up the house. You will start by putting all of the dog toys away while she sadly watches you from outside the window. You begin to vacuum the carpet and see how much dog hair is on the couch. You decide to clean that too and an hour later the carpet and couch have been cleaned. Your dog, seeing that everything is clean, runs in the house and jumps on the couch. You kick her off and cover the couch with sheets to prevent more hair from getting on them. She smells the sheets and goes back outside to watch you. While you have the vacuum out, you decide to vacuum the tile as well. All of this vacuuming makes you tired so you sit down for a few minutes to rest. Your dog, seeing you resting, comes in and decides it is time to play. You feel mean ignoring her, so you throw a few of the toys. The next thing you know an hour has gone by and all of the toys are all over the house again. Seeing all the toys on the floor will remind you that you were going to mop the tile. You once again pick up all of the dog toys. Being that close to the ground reveals how much dog hair is still on the tile. You get out the swiffer sweeper vac and vacuum the tile for the second time. After finishing vacuuming you remember that it is trash night and decide to take the trash out. You don’t want the dog to track dirt in on your nicely swept floor so you leave her inside. You move the trashcans out to the street and return to the house. Upon walking into the house you see how excited your dog is to see you and notice she has been jumping up and down waiting for you. Jumping up and down causes her to shed more getting more hair on the floor. You decide that you will probably need to vacuum the floor again before you mop. As you reach down to get her toy off the floor, you glance and see all the dirt on the baseboards. Seeing all that dirt makes you decide you should clean those baseboards. You get down on your hands and knees and begin to clean the baseboards with clorox wipes (It’s now about 10:30) While cleaning the baseboards you see all the dirt and mud the dog has gotten on the walls. You decide that while you are down there, you might as well get the dirt off the wall. As you clean the baseboards where the carpet is, you see how much dog hair the vacuum did not pick up right next to the wall. You decide that since you have already done this much cleaning, you may as well do it right. You get out the vacuum and use the hose to get the edges by the baseboards. You finish vacuuming and finally finish the baseboards. As you are going to put the cleaning supplies away, you see more dirt on the doors, so you clean those as well. By this time there is more dog hair on the tile, so it needs to be vacuumed once again before you can mop. You finish vacuuming and as you are going to dump the filter of the vacuum the god damn dog hears something outside, runs to the door knocking over the vacuum and sending the filter flying across the floor. You yell a few choice words at the stupid dog that caused this whole mess to begin with and vacuum up the mess she just made for the 4th time tonight. After vacuuming you get out the mop. You are exhausted but decide you should at least finish the job you started. After mopping all of the tile, you stand in one place realizing you were so tired that you started mopping in the wrong place and now have to stand and wait until the floor dries. Your lovely dog seeing that you are obviously alone and in need of attention brings you a toy. When you don’t take it from her, she drops it and gets another one. You finally decide that you can see where this is going and decide it is worth walking on the wet floor. You finally finish cleaning and start getting ready for bed. You drop a pill bottle on the floor and as you bend down to pick it up, you realize you did not clean the baseboards in the bathroom and feel compelled to do it. As you finally climb into bed and realize you have finished cleaning and your house looks great, you hear the dog lying on the tile scratching herself. If she is scratching herself, that means she is shedding. If she is shedding, there will be hair on the floor. This makes you realize that as long as you have a dog, you will need a Roomba.
Hilarious!
If she has hardwood, or a lot of tile, tell her to get a Mint. I bought mine at BB&B, and it’s the most fabulous thing ever. B.C. named ours “Tony.”
imagine having 2 dogs …. that’s me! I’ve had your sisters day, many times. it sucks!