Last Monday (the 31st) I tried going back to work. I made it about 2 hours before I had to go back home. The drive to work was excruciating (the seat belt nearly killed me), and then the bending, standing, sitting, standing, walking, sitting, standing routine was more than I could take. I was in a lot of pain when I got back into the car to go home. Then some idiot decides that he doesn’t actually want to exit the freeway even though he’s in the exit lane, so he swerves in front of me, causing me to slam on my brakes, and the seat belt to yank on my stomach. Oh my hell, the PAIN. I had to pull on to the shoulder because I was crying so hard. It was awful. I went home and just laid on the couch for the rest of the day.

This past Monday I tried going to work again, with much better luck. Driving is still uncomfortable, but tolerable. And the difference in the amount of pain between last week and this week is amazing. Last week sitting and standing was still hurting me. This week I can sit and stand and sit and stand repeatedly before it even starts to bother me. Sitting for long periods of time hurts a little, since the swelling in my lower abdomen pushes on the incision, but it’s nothing that I can’t handle. The worst post-surgery effect I’m having is my lack of energy. I’m so freaking tired all the time. And yet, as I mentioned, I am having trouble sleeping. Yesterday I left work about 4:45 because I was starting to nod off at my desk. I came home and planned to take a 1 hour nap (so as not to disrupt my already precarious sleep schedule). I set my alarm and promptly fell asleep. And proceeded to sleep right through the alarm for another 45 minutes. So when I went to bed last night, I couldn’t fall asleep. I took a pill about 3am, and that made me fall asleep (even a I cursed myself for needing the pill). Today was a little better. I felt sleepy around 2pm, but managed to stay at work until 6 (even though I was laying on the couch at work reading for the last half hour, while the computers did their updating). But then I came home, showered, and fell asleep again. So I guess my problem is not so much NOT sleeping, but not sleeping when I should be sleeping, and sleeping when I shouldn’t be. (For the record, that made perfect sense in my head).

Jas called tonight and I got to chat with him for a while. I’m hoping the contact will settle me enough to where I can sleep pill free tonight. I don’t miss him as much as I thought I would (I’ll qualify that in a second), but it was really nice to get to talk to him for a while, and not just be connected by text messages. I love Jas, but sometimes we just need a break from each other, and this yearly trip of his is the perfect time for that. I like coming home to a quiet and clean house. I like being able to read my book, and not have someone turn on the television in the same room (when there’s a perfectly good TV in the other room that no one is sitting in). I like watching Jon & Kate Plus 8 without someone constantly complaining about what a bitch she is, therefore drowning out the show. I like watching Big Brother and not getting mocked about my horrible choice of reality TV. I like not being upset that the person who has only works 4 hours that day hasn’t bothered to take out the trash, but has in fact left that, the laundry, the dishes, and various other chores to the person who works 10+ hours a day. This break from each other is like a relationship reboot. It gives us both time to appreciate the good things about each other.