I bowl every Friday night with my friend Jenn, and two friends of hers. I know most of the people in the league by name, and a few I’ll even say hi to, since they’re friends of my teammates. But I generally stick on my own lane with my teammates, and don’t socialize with anyone else. Last night something weird happened. Jas was subbing on a different team with Jenn’s friends. About an hour after we started, one of them came over with tears in her eyes, and said that Jas had told her about my donating a kidney. She was also suffering from the same disease that Kelly is, and was very touched by my donation. She hugged me and then walked back over to her lanes.
The fact that Jas said anything about the donation caught me totally off guard. It’s not something he talks about with me at all. I’ve asked him on several occasions how he feels about it, or if he has any questions, and all I get is "It’s your kidney." Well, yes, true, it’s my kidney, but it bothers me a little that he’s not more interested in what’s happening or what’s going to happen. Some say that he’s probably nervous about it, and this is just his way of coping. Which makes sense. He hates doctors, and avoids them at all cost. It makes sense that he wouldn’t want to talk about a major surgical procedure. I just wish he’d be a little more forthcoming about how it makes him feel.
I’m not an outwardly emotional person, and I don’t at all know how to handle people who cry. I generally keep that stuff inside (but if you could see the swirls of emotion inside my head, you’d be a little scared.) I certainly never know what to say to people when they tell me that I’m doing a great/brave/wonderful/<insert adjective of choice here> thing for Kelly. I’m almost embarrassed to tell people about it, because I don’t know how to react to that. Thanks? Glad I could help? To me, it doesn’t seem like that big a deal. Ok, I know that surgery is a huge deal, and not something to be taken lightly. And I know that there are millions of people in the world that won’t donate for one reason or another (hence the thousands of people on the waiting list for organs). But this just doesn’t seem like something to be gushed about or congratulated on. I’m helping one person. Saving one life. What about the men and women in the police force or fire stations that save multiple lives every day? What about the doctors and nurses and teachers and social workers and coaches and military personnel, and all the other people on the planet that save millions of lives over their collective lifetimes? Why don’t we thank them? Yeah, that police man gave you a ticket for speeding. But what if he hadn’t and 3 miles down the road you lost control and lost your life? What if the firefighter thought someone else could do his job today, and wasn’t there to pull your child from the burning house? Those are the real heroes. When was the last time someone thanked them for all they do for us?
Yes, I’m vastly improving the quality of life for one person, and I am so incredibly thankful that I can do it for her. But it makes me uncomfortable when people tell me it’s a good thing to do, or that I’m a brave person. People do good and brave things every day. It’s their job. I’m not special. They are.
What you are doing is incredible. In a society that is so selfish and me driven it amazes people to see someone do something like that. I would gladly give my kidney to a family member but I don’t know if I could for a friend. I like to think I would but honestly I don’t know. You are awesome and I hope you realize that.
I thought about this post all day. I just couldn’t quite put into words what I wanted to say.
As my fiance and I were discussing our wedding vows not too long ago, we had to answer the question, “how would you describe your partner (not physically)?” My fiance described me as kind and giving. I almost kicked him. Saying someone is “nice” is so lame. But I know he meant it in a good way.
As much as you may think you are misanthropic, I think you care deeply about other people. We can’t all be heroic in the same way first responders are. You have to pick your battles. You’re a kind and generous person. I have no doubt that if you had more kidneys to give, you wouldn’t give them.
So maybe you’re not a HERO. But you are kind. Giving a piece of yourself is selfless and generous. Please don’t kick me. Because I mean that you’re nice in the least lame way possible.
So don’t forget that to Kelly, you are her hero. We could all learn a little from you.