(Let’s just pretend it hasn’t been a week since I’ve posted, shall we?)
My meeting with the surgeons is scheduled for Friday. Can I just tell you how much that scares me? I mean, I knew it was coming. I’d even called to try and get it done sooner, because they were originally not going to see me until February. But it’s next week! I think it’s the title that scares me. In my head it sounds much more like Attack of the Surgeons! I’ve already been warned that they’re going to do everything within their power to scare the hell out of me. They want people who are serious about this, and not people who are going to back out at the last second. (Although that didn’t work so well the last time.) I really don’t think there’s a whole lot they can tell me that’s going to scare me further. Yeah, I can die. I could also be in a car wreck tomorrow and have the same fate. I could get an infection and stay in the hospital longer than normal. That would suck, but I’d manage (more vacation from work!). I could develop kidney problems when I’m older and go on dialysis. That’s true even if I don’t donate a kidney. Really, I’ve thought this through completely. I don’t understand how someone could go into this and not over analyze it like I have, but apparently that happens. I’m prepared. Scared to death, but totally prepared. I hope.
I started my workouts with a new personal trainer on Wednesday, and I already feel better about my weight loss path. I haven’t lost a pound since I started training. Not a single one. In fact, despite my mass consumption of water, my resolve to only eat healthy foods, and my 5 days a week cardio program, I have GAINED weight. What the hell? I can’t figure out why. So I explained this all to Mike, my new personal trainer, and together we came up with a plan. Already this is a vast improvement over the last guy, who never asked me anything about what I wanted out of this training, and just dumped me on a machine so I could work and he could watch the hot chicks wandering around. (Sidenote: Am I the only one who is completely intimidated by the hot chicks at the gym? I always picture them thinking “Oh look at the poor fat girl.” I know this is my insecurity rearing it’s ugly head, but please someone tell me that I’m not the only one. Lie if you must.) Mike, on the other hand, didn’t have me do anything until we went over what my goals were. I don’t want to be able lift a car. I want to lose weight, and firm up the leftover skin. That’s about it. I need to lose 15 pounds to meet UCLA’s requirements (They changed my goal weight to 5 pounds less than the original weight. I think they’re trying to make me cry.) and I don’t want my triceps flapping in the wind when I wave hello to someone. I also store most of my fat in my thighs and stomach, so I wanted to concentrate there. So he designed a program to fit my needs, and off we went! He pays attention to me when we’re working together, and he’s pretty damn funny. Trust me, trying to do a sit up while laughing hysterically does much more for your abs than doing 100 stomach crunches with a straight face. Try it.
Yesterday, Duke and I took a trip to the Huntington Library to pretend we know anything about photography. It was awesome. They have all these beautiful gardens you can wander through and look at. There’s a Japanese Garden, Desert Garden, Lily Pond, Herb Garden, and Rose Garden, just to name a few. I was most looking forward to the rose garden, but was disappointed to find that January is not Rose season. There are quite a few spots within the grounds that would be perfect for just sitting quietly and reading a book, or having a chat with a friend. In fact, I’m very much tempted to go back and pay the $20 entrance fee (thieves!) to do just that. There was one particular spot that was so blissfully peaceful, I just wanted to lay down and take a nap right there in the middle of the grass. But alas, I could not, for a stampede of loud children descended upon the place and shattered all the blissful peaciness (yes, peaciness, because I am The Denora: Inventor of Words that Shouldn’t Exist). Altogether, the three hours we spent there were some of the best hours I’ve had recently. As I’ve written before, I always enjoy hanging out with Duke, and today was no exception. I sure wish we could do it more often.
I leave you with some of my favorite photos from our excursion. They’re not retouched, nor anything spectacular. Just the ones that made me smile.
In my (maybe not so vast) experience, people at the gym are too caught up in their own working out to pay attention to other people.
I can handle skinny girls at the gym because even though they are skinny, they usually aren’t in good shape. Did you ever watch that America’s Next Top Model episode when half the models couldn’t push their bodies up from a sitting position against the wall? (And if no, it may say more about me that I watch that show compulsively than it says about you.) So when I see the skinny people, I ignore them and assume that I am in better shape than they are.
And the hot, in-shape girls (and guys, I guess) are so busy making themselves hot and in-shape that they never even glance in my direction. And since I like to think that someday I can be one of them (ha!), I don’t feel intimidated, but inspired instead.
Additionally, it really helped me to feel a lot less intimidated by the gym by having a couple of sessions with someone who really knew what they were doing. Since you’re with a trainer (who sounds awesome), hopefully you’ll get some confidence from that, as well.
Oh man, skinny people at the gym. Hate.it. I try to ignore them as best I can, but when on the treadmill what else do I have to do? They make me feel SO insecure and self conscious. That’s one reason why I refuse to work out outside, ALLTHEPEOPLEOMG? Looking at me? Fuck, no.
So yeah, I feel your pain.