Ow.

So Wednesday was my first night with the trainer at the gym. He’s pretty nice, and pushed me right up to my limit, without making me feel like an idiot. Of course, it was only my first night, so he was probably going easy on me. The only exercise I had trouble with was the squats. My quads are very weak, it appears. You start with your feet spread just past shoulder width, with your arms straight out in front of you, palms facing the floor. Then you squat to a seated position, trying to keep your back straight, and getting your knees to a 90 degree angle. Sounds easy, right? Try it. Step away from the computer and do 15. And on the 15th one, hold the squat position for 15 seconds. It hurts like hell. I did 3 sets of 15, and almost passed out from the pain. It was a killer. I managed to finish out the half hour, and still did another 30 minutes of treadmill when I was done. I felt pretty good that night after the workout. Thursday was a different story entirely. Oh I was completely fine as long as I didn’t do anything complicated. Like walking. Or sitting. I was in SUCH pain. My legs had gone on strike. My knees buckled every 3 or 4 steps. It was like walking on two sticks of jello. Or two sticks of unbendable iron, depending on how my legs were feeling at the moment. I pushed past it though. I went back to the torture chamber (formerly known as the gym) and did another half hour workout with the trainer, followed by another 30 minutes of cardio. But I feel good about myself (certainly not to be confused with feeling good, period). I’m not going to quit this time, not when it means so much.

Last night I had to bowl, and after warming up I felt ok. I only had pain right as I bent my knee to release the ball, so I’d grimace, and straighten out and everything would be fine. With the exception of the frame where instead of swinging the ball past my leg, I swung it right into my thigh. Not a fun experience on any other day, but it’s far more excruciating when your legs are already screaming with pain. I’d love to say that was the reason I didn’t bowl well, but I’d be lying. Have you ever been good at something, taken some time off, and then come back to not being good? It’s so frustrating. I know that I just need to get back into the swing of things. I took 18 months off and can’t expect to be back to where I was in a short 3 weeks. But it’s hard knowing I can do better, and I’m just not. I feel like I’m letting down my team. Of course, they’ve never said or done anything to make me feel that way. This is all me. But it’s making me crazy.